I hope this doesn’t sound snarky: You spend more on luxuries than I live on! So it makes sense that at age 59, I just never managed to save anything like what the experts say I should have saved. I have minimal 401k investments. I do keep a comparatively huge amount in my checking/savings in case of disaster, and I know I “should” invest it but I struggle with not having a good emergency fund. I read this with real awe. If I ever made this kind of money, I’d save the shit out of it. I’d live on $40k-$50k (doable, yes — $40k is the most I ever made) per year and put everything else aside and I’d have retired long ago.
Maybe I’m not doing so badly, considering? I’ve done that writing down every penny exercise every so often since college, tracking all spending and income. It’s why I have two (very modest) houses nearly paid off.
Really trying not to be snarky. I mean this sincerely: Folks, if you’re fortunate that your hard work is paying off spectacularly (unlike the hard work of many of us) you really do need to honor that. You’re so fucking blessed! Don’t waste this incredible good fortune! Budget! Save! Invest! Man, what I could have done with money. I just never had any.
<3 Not snarky at all! Thank you for reading and sharing your experience. That's why I chose to share something so personal. This is why money is so weird. We all engage with it differently. We all have different opportunities and chances and decide to take different paths when they are presented to us. And you're right, I am blessed. Years of hard work paid off for me. Making money is often a mixture of opportunity and hard work. Sometimes you put in the work, but the opportunity just isn't there. I've got some posts coming up about money and happiness that will expand upon this if you're open to sticking with me :)
Yes. To be quite honest, I feel extremely proud that despite my EXTREMELY hard work never paying off, I managed to raise children, never go bankrupt, save minimally and buy two houses. I always felt this nagging sense of failure that I wasn’t doing better, but I’ve come to realize I’ve done better with the shitty cards I was dealt than many have done with better hands. I do not take a single dollar for granted.
I don't know you, but I am extremely proud of you too. Having that sense of accomplishment and success (by whatever definition) is so so important. If we would all just stop comparing ourselves to each other, it's my belief that we'd all be happier and have better relationships with money. That's why I hesitated to share my spending in the first place...but I know that even just talking about can be helpful to some people. And who doesn't love a peek into someone else's life? :)
I relate so strongly to this thread. Michelle and Ally, you both put it so well when bringing up the topic of redefining what financial success looks like. This is a difficult thing to re-wire our brains around, but very liberating if we can do it. I am autistic and every single day I wake up living independently and successfully caring for myself - financially and holistically as a person in general - feels like a miracle somehow, but it's a miracle built on the foundation of hard work and commitment to myself. And I have even succeeded in doing it with very little debt, an excellent credit score, and fun activities and hobbies along the way. Thinking about it that way helps me have gratitude for where I am at instead of comparing myself to my peers. Defining success in my own way has allowed me to stop worrying about how I haven't bought a house, don't own nice luxury things, and haven't traveled the world. Maybe I will do those things in time, but maybe, if I don't want to, I simply won't! And that's okay! Not doing the financial things my peers are doing doesn't equal failure. A happy and successful life means something different to every person. If my spending and life are aligned with my values and my wellbeing overall, then that is a success, even if it does not look like others' successes. Thank you both for speaking to this concept.
Thank you for saying this! My annual income is slightly less than her monthly spending. Like you, I've been able to stay relatively financially stable thanks to a combination of luck and frugality. But I realize there are some people at our end of the financial spectrum who just can't find anything to cut in order to save more, and that maybe it wouldn't make them any happier.
Love this! Please let’s normalize not feeling weird about sharing spending habits/being judgment free. I spent like $100 last month on a mobile game called Cats & Soup. Like whatever, it’s stupid but it gave me joy in a bleak month. (But also I promise not to do it again 😂)
Yes! $100 well spent for you is Cats & Soup! For someone else it’s one bottle of wine, or a really great T-shirt, or a concert ticket. Spend on experiences that make you happy. After saving 20% of your income of course ;)
I use co pilot to do this! I do spend less than my take home pay but the key for me is never seeing the money I save (luckily have a job with access to pretax 401a, 403b, 457). After maxing out those accounts, I feel the only extra saving I need to do is backdoor Roth + saving for short/near term goals for which I have automatic transfers set up so I also don’t “see” this money. Then I feel comfy literally just spending everything else that I have coming in for the month which the Copilot app lets me track really easily. If I see money I tend to spend it !!
Did you also do a joint one with your husband? Sorry if I missed/forgot how you split your expenses, my partner and I find that we have so many shared expense cross cutting cards (ie most of the groceries are on 1 card) we calculate our shared total spend, individual spending and how much we owe each other a month (not married). For us, seeing that shared total spend fluctuate (been doing it for about 6 months) and seeing the categories... is... quite sombering
Ah, great question—he has his own credit card bills and expenses. We don't exactly have a "system"—we each spend our own money but check in quarterly to see how we're doing. I'm pretty obsessed with saving, so as long as he's contributing to his 401(k)s and taxable accounts (as am I), I don't really care what he's spending. I don't think there's any good that can come from judging your partner's spending. If there's a "problem" and they aren't saving...that's a whole other conversation.
Thanks for sharing ! I always find how couples split up finances interesting, we split proportional to salary so a true up each month makes the most sense to us. It feels like a more accurate picture to have it all in one place as before when we just guessed at our split it was often uneven
Hi Amy! I'm interested in what you use to track your expenses? It took my husband and I years to figure out our shared budget and financial plan but putting all of our credit cards (individual and shared) into the same budgeting app really helped us manage our budget together.
We (my boyfriend) made a spreadsheet where we put each credit card in its own tab and it auto populates for personal expenses that we incur regularly like subway or substack subscriptions then we edit the expenses that need to be adjusted and we pull it into an overall page, so we can see what we’re spending each month (we have bilt so rent is included). We don’t spend a ton of cash but there’s an other section to include like when we got tattoos to factor that in
Random question: my husband and I have about 20% of our take home pay automatically going into 401Ks/high yield savings/investment accounts etc but we do spend slightly over what hits our checking account every month but I feel like I always justify it by thinking “ah well we already paid ourselves” any recommendations?
What does “slightly” mean? Are you being charged interest on credit card balances? If yes, then dial back the contributions or, even better, figure out a way to cut your spending. If it’s just a “little too close” the. You’re probably okay! I like your mindset of “we already paid ourselves” so it sounds like it’s just a little cash flow tweak.
Best piece I’ve read in a few weeks. I think being money transparent is so important, yet I still struggle with it myself. Excited to read the rest of the series!
I appreciate how you frame money tracking as an ongoing exercise rather than a one-time reality check. The idea of reviewing expenses at least once a year makes so much sense for staying on top of lifestyle creep. I would love to hear your thoughts on Tiller. What do you like about it? Is it missing any features?
I love Tiller because I love spreadsheets and manipulating data. I don't love living within the constraints of an app. With Tiller, you get all the automation of pulling in transactions, but it's in a Gsheet format so you can mess with the data however you like.
Thank you for sharing! I have been considering allowing real-time exporting in Accountable so people can utilize the data in a spreadsheet. I'm sure being able to manipulate the data to see the bigger picture of your finances helps with the more granular aspects of budgeting.
Oh my god I needed this so badly five years ago. But also today. So much great language and framing here that makes your insights feel actionable. ❤️⚖️💰
A.J. you are doing critical work that most choose to avoid, financial planning.
I experience the same avoidance when it comes to preparing to the inevitable disasters that will strike at some point in everyone's life.
You may want to address keeping an emergency fund ready for natural and manmade disasters.
In addition to storing food and water, a solid reserve of emergency cash makes a HUGE difference for resilience and recovery after a disaster.
May want to address this in a future Substack.
Kyelene and Jonathan Jones do a first-rate job explaining this critical issue in her book, The Practical Prepper: A Common Sense Guide for Preparing for Emergencies.
They do a great job educating parents about how to prepare for financial emergencies.
Here is a quick review I wrote if you don't have time to read all 400+ pages.
As the volunteer vice president of The American Civil Defense Association, I will share one small but important tip about how families and small businesses can survive disasters.
As we depend so much on data, the loss of that data in a disasters is catastrophic for families and small businesses.
We offer an inexpensive EMP hardened, waterproof, thumb drive to help keep your data safe.
Most businesses go out of business now due to loss of data rather than the disaster.
I hope this doesn’t sound snarky: You spend more on luxuries than I live on! So it makes sense that at age 59, I just never managed to save anything like what the experts say I should have saved. I have minimal 401k investments. I do keep a comparatively huge amount in my checking/savings in case of disaster, and I know I “should” invest it but I struggle with not having a good emergency fund. I read this with real awe. If I ever made this kind of money, I’d save the shit out of it. I’d live on $40k-$50k (doable, yes — $40k is the most I ever made) per year and put everything else aside and I’d have retired long ago.
Maybe I’m not doing so badly, considering? I’ve done that writing down every penny exercise every so often since college, tracking all spending and income. It’s why I have two (very modest) houses nearly paid off.
Really trying not to be snarky. I mean this sincerely: Folks, if you’re fortunate that your hard work is paying off spectacularly (unlike the hard work of many of us) you really do need to honor that. You’re so fucking blessed! Don’t waste this incredible good fortune! Budget! Save! Invest! Man, what I could have done with money. I just never had any.
<3 Not snarky at all! Thank you for reading and sharing your experience. That's why I chose to share something so personal. This is why money is so weird. We all engage with it differently. We all have different opportunities and chances and decide to take different paths when they are presented to us. And you're right, I am blessed. Years of hard work paid off for me. Making money is often a mixture of opportunity and hard work. Sometimes you put in the work, but the opportunity just isn't there. I've got some posts coming up about money and happiness that will expand upon this if you're open to sticking with me :)
Yes. To be quite honest, I feel extremely proud that despite my EXTREMELY hard work never paying off, I managed to raise children, never go bankrupt, save minimally and buy two houses. I always felt this nagging sense of failure that I wasn’t doing better, but I’ve come to realize I’ve done better with the shitty cards I was dealt than many have done with better hands. I do not take a single dollar for granted.
I don't know you, but I am extremely proud of you too. Having that sense of accomplishment and success (by whatever definition) is so so important. If we would all just stop comparing ourselves to each other, it's my belief that we'd all be happier and have better relationships with money. That's why I hesitated to share my spending in the first place...but I know that even just talking about can be helpful to some people. And who doesn't love a peek into someone else's life? :)
I relate so strongly to this thread. Michelle and Ally, you both put it so well when bringing up the topic of redefining what financial success looks like. This is a difficult thing to re-wire our brains around, but very liberating if we can do it. I am autistic and every single day I wake up living independently and successfully caring for myself - financially and holistically as a person in general - feels like a miracle somehow, but it's a miracle built on the foundation of hard work and commitment to myself. And I have even succeeded in doing it with very little debt, an excellent credit score, and fun activities and hobbies along the way. Thinking about it that way helps me have gratitude for where I am at instead of comparing myself to my peers. Defining success in my own way has allowed me to stop worrying about how I haven't bought a house, don't own nice luxury things, and haven't traveled the world. Maybe I will do those things in time, but maybe, if I don't want to, I simply won't! And that's okay! Not doing the financial things my peers are doing doesn't equal failure. A happy and successful life means something different to every person. If my spending and life are aligned with my values and my wellbeing overall, then that is a success, even if it does not look like others' successes. Thank you both for speaking to this concept.
<3 You've nailed it. The secret to happiness is being happy with what you have. Even being content is so powerful.
Thank you for saying this! My annual income is slightly less than her monthly spending. Like you, I've been able to stay relatively financially stable thanks to a combination of luck and frugality. But I realize there are some people at our end of the financial spectrum who just can't find anything to cut in order to save more, and that maybe it wouldn't make them any happier.
Love this! Please let’s normalize not feeling weird about sharing spending habits/being judgment free. I spent like $100 last month on a mobile game called Cats & Soup. Like whatever, it’s stupid but it gave me joy in a bleak month. (But also I promise not to do it again 😂)
Yes! $100 well spent for you is Cats & Soup! For someone else it’s one bottle of wine, or a really great T-shirt, or a concert ticket. Spend on experiences that make you happy. After saving 20% of your income of course ;)
Okay maybe a T-shirt is not an experience. But the experience of rubbing the soft cotton between your fingers might be!
I use co pilot to do this! I do spend less than my take home pay but the key for me is never seeing the money I save (luckily have a job with access to pretax 401a, 403b, 457). After maxing out those accounts, I feel the only extra saving I need to do is backdoor Roth + saving for short/near term goals for which I have automatic transfers set up so I also don’t “see” this money. Then I feel comfy literally just spending everything else that I have coming in for the month which the Copilot app lets me track really easily. If I see money I tend to spend it !!
Oh, I've heard of co-pilot. I'm glad it's working for you.
LOVE that you have access to the holy grail of tax-advantaged retirement accounts.
You are living my savings dream.
Did you also do a joint one with your husband? Sorry if I missed/forgot how you split your expenses, my partner and I find that we have so many shared expense cross cutting cards (ie most of the groceries are on 1 card) we calculate our shared total spend, individual spending and how much we owe each other a month (not married). For us, seeing that shared total spend fluctuate (been doing it for about 6 months) and seeing the categories... is... quite sombering
Ah, great question—he has his own credit card bills and expenses. We don't exactly have a "system"—we each spend our own money but check in quarterly to see how we're doing. I'm pretty obsessed with saving, so as long as he's contributing to his 401(k)s and taxable accounts (as am I), I don't really care what he's spending. I don't think there's any good that can come from judging your partner's spending. If there's a "problem" and they aren't saving...that's a whole other conversation.
Thanks for sharing ! I always find how couples split up finances interesting, we split proportional to salary so a true up each month makes the most sense to us. It feels like a more accurate picture to have it all in one place as before when we just guessed at our split it was often uneven
It sounds like we need to do a feature about the different ways couples spend money.
Hi Amy! I'm interested in what you use to track your expenses? It took my husband and I years to figure out our shared budget and financial plan but putting all of our credit cards (individual and shared) into the same budgeting app really helped us manage our budget together.
We (my boyfriend) made a spreadsheet where we put each credit card in its own tab and it auto populates for personal expenses that we incur regularly like subway or substack subscriptions then we edit the expenses that need to be adjusted and we pull it into an overall page, so we can see what we’re spending each month (we have bilt so rent is included). We don’t spend a ton of cash but there’s an other section to include like when we got tattoos to factor that in
Thank you for sharing!
Random question: my husband and I have about 20% of our take home pay automatically going into 401Ks/high yield savings/investment accounts etc but we do spend slightly over what hits our checking account every month but I feel like I always justify it by thinking “ah well we already paid ourselves” any recommendations?
What does “slightly” mean? Are you being charged interest on credit card balances? If yes, then dial back the contributions or, even better, figure out a way to cut your spending. If it’s just a “little too close” the. You’re probably okay! I like your mindset of “we already paid ourselves” so it sounds like it’s just a little cash flow tweak.
No debt! More just have to play a bit of moving around money game
Best piece I’ve read in a few weeks. I think being money transparent is so important, yet I still struggle with it myself. Excited to read the rest of the series!
That’s very kind of you. Thank you 💚
I appreciate how you frame money tracking as an ongoing exercise rather than a one-time reality check. The idea of reviewing expenses at least once a year makes so much sense for staying on top of lifestyle creep. I would love to hear your thoughts on Tiller. What do you like about it? Is it missing any features?
I love Tiller because I love spreadsheets and manipulating data. I don't love living within the constraints of an app. With Tiller, you get all the automation of pulling in transactions, but it's in a Gsheet format so you can mess with the data however you like.
or in Excel.
Thank you for sharing! I have been considering allowing real-time exporting in Accountable so people can utilize the data in a spreadsheet. I'm sure being able to manipulate the data to see the bigger picture of your finances helps with the more granular aspects of budgeting.
Oh my god I needed this so badly five years ago. But also today. So much great language and framing here that makes your insights feel actionable. ❤️⚖️💰
The best time to make changes was yesterday, the second best time is tomorrow. 🥰
Great advice! If you don't know where your last dollar went, it's exponentially tougher to plan where your next dollar will go.
You can look wealthy or be wealthy, but you probably won’t be around long enough to achieve both. Plan accordingly.
A.J. you are doing critical work that most choose to avoid, financial planning.
I experience the same avoidance when it comes to preparing to the inevitable disasters that will strike at some point in everyone's life.
You may want to address keeping an emergency fund ready for natural and manmade disasters.
In addition to storing food and water, a solid reserve of emergency cash makes a HUGE difference for resilience and recovery after a disaster.
May want to address this in a future Substack.
Kyelene and Jonathan Jones do a first-rate job explaining this critical issue in her book, The Practical Prepper: A Common Sense Guide for Preparing for Emergencies.
They do a great job educating parents about how to prepare for financial emergencies.
Here is a quick review I wrote if you don't have time to read all 400+ pages.
https://poetslife.substack.com/p/the-practical-prepper-a-common-sense
As the volunteer vice president of The American Civil Defense Association, I will share one small but important tip about how families and small businesses can survive disasters.
As we depend so much on data, the loss of that data in a disasters is catastrophic for families and small businesses.
We offer an inexpensive EMP hardened, waterproof, thumb drive to help keep your data safe.
Most businesses go out of business now due to loss of data rather than the disaster.
https://tacda.org/product-category/emp-resistant-waterproof-usb/
I write a free Substack called American Tactical Civil Defense that offers practical advice on how to prepare for and survive disasters.
We are especially trying to reach young people as they no longer go in the Scouts or the military and are untrained to survive disasters.
Please spread the word to other good Americans.
https://poetslife.substack.com/
https://tacda.org/